As we close out this year, I decided to get a head start on one of my 2025 resolutions — get regular with my Substack. Long before I started comedy, I was a lil scribe. I’ve always found clarity and relief from writing, a sort of emptying of my swirling neuro-spicy brain (that’s what my therapist calls it, shout out Catie, u da woman). So much happened this year: I fell back in love with stand-up, went on lots of dates, traveled all over the country, did Invisalign and got my tongue tie lasered off lol, started reading fiction again, lifted a lot of weights, got Delta sky lounge access, had the time of my life at the Comedy Store, did many of my heroes’ podcasts, set up a new wireless printer, and got super excited thinking the drones were aliens at first (can’t have everything). I will also be finishing out the year by getting a mass removed from my head on Monday. Thrilled to be going into 2025 with a lobotomy, something most women only dream of in this lifetime.
We had our family Christmas with all 900 of my nieces and nephews. I got my nephews “alien drones”. They were a hit if I can be so bold. I asked my brother if he knew that there’s an under water alien base underneath Guadalupe Island. He looked at me like I was demented. I thought it might potentially be common ground for us since he is a deep sea fishermen and often near there but I guess sometimes the differences in reality between people who have tiktok and those who do not are numerous.
I told my dad I would like to be pregnant by the end of next year and he was alarmed. He said “you can’t force these things!!!”. I said buddy, I am simply incapable of forcing something that doesn’t feel completely right (as evidenced by my rather famously avoidant history). I really want a family though. It’s so crazy I can feel my daughter that doesn’t even exist. I miss her. As such, I have made a sincere request to God to bring me my soulmate husband this year and I believe he/she/they will oblige. I have asked God to open my heart wherever it still needs to be opened in order to receive this person. And then I must just take the leap off the ledge. I don’t think I have ever truly believed in my soul that men possess the depth and tenderness to love me in the way I wish to love and be loved so I just built my life around it. Just sort of stepped by it like a puddle on the street. But I have been working very diligently at changing these reductive beliefs and collecting evidence and examples to reinforce new positive ideas about love and men. I have always just been soooo afraid of picking the wrong person because everyone knows marrying a bad man will ruin your life. But there are no guarantees so I have to stop being paralyzed by fear of failure in this area because it has kept me from going where I want to go. Wish me luck. This post was supposed to be about wireless printers.
But also do I really want a husband or do I just need to experience the thrill of successfully setting up another wireless printer? Just kidding. Sort of. I’ve gotten a taste of bringing a brand new lifeless printer online 3-4 times now and each time has packed just as much of a robust psychological and emotional punch as the last. I think it may have something to do with the fact that it defies some firmly rooted ideas I have about myself, creating unexpected space and challenging a previously very fixed identity, like — well if I can do this what else is possible for me that I also formerly did not think was available to me? I have little confidence around technology and yet if I lock in and get patient, I ultimately claim victory!!!! When I see that little light start blinking after 13 different laborious steps, I have found God. I am in the promise land despite traveling 40 days and 40 nights in the tiny pamphlet dessert. I now have telepathic connection to my printer robot machine. Just one tiny click of a button and it magically produces physical form from the other room. A miracle, thank you god! This is why I don’t mind when my wireless printer breaks every 2-3 years and I have to get a new one. Because I know I will once again get to experience conquering Everest, emerging a new woman each time.
I really like your writing style! Would totally read your book if you ever feel like writing one
I love wireless printers too. They enable my autistic brain to feel love and freedom. Setting them up builds an everlasting connection. When you log into the admin portal with the password “password”—I never change it. I find that would be too parental, too obnoxiously controlling.
One of my favorite moments is when I name my printer. Then suddenly they become someone. I was wondering if you choose dynamic IP or if you feel safer with a static IP.