Hello Dear Readers, Blair Bears, etc.,
I write to to you from an undisclosed, remote locale in Croatia on the very balcony pictured below.
I do very much feel like one of those Victorian women who were sent seaside to convalesce from hysteria through the healing properties of the Adriatic Sea. Except I sent myself. I must say the slower pace feels like I can finally breathe after the whirlwind of the last 5 months. Maybe all aging grieving autistic manic pixie dream girls are meant to live in small European villages? As I write you, the town’s Catholic church bells are ringing authoritatively and the cicadas are buzzing in an omnipresent drum like rhythm that sort of sounds like bug house music. On the first day, we took a sail boat to a nearby fairytale like island and I asked which bird was responsible for this outdoor Maracas soundtrack, only to learn it was the shockingly powerful yet out of sight cicadas. Vociferous lil fuckers. I like them though. They make me feel close to nature and you don’t see them ever which is really my favorite type of insect (besides the aesthetic mystical ones of course — butterflies, lady bugs, praying mantis, dragon flies, et al).
I have written in my previous posts about how peculiar/kismet my friendship with Tanja has come about since RJ’s passing. We’d met when I was like 14 or 15 and used to visit RJ when he was at Cal Poly San Luis Obispo. I always remember how much RJ talked about Tanja and how much he loved her and how funny he thought she was. He always said how silly they were together. And then Tanja and I randomly ran into each other in 2021 at Matt Rife and Paul Elia’s parking lot show. She saw me on stage and realized I was RJ’s sister and we talked and took a picture and called RJ. He was so happy we ran into each other! And then at RJ’s funeral she brought me an engraved bracelet and I just thought it was the kindest, most thoughtful thing, it meant so much to me.
After that, we started talking a lot and then she also bought me a session with Medium Kayleen lol and our friendship was off to the races. Tanja and I from second one of this trip can’t stop talking about how it feels like we’ve been friends our whole lives. It’s bizarre but also feels so fated. We both are so passionate about female friendship! Just giddy about it. I die thinking about how happy Arge would be if he could see us together. I wish so bad he was here with us. I know he is, but you know what I mean — in his old form. I guess he very literally did bring Tanja and me together. ALSO, we later remembered that Medium Kayleen told Tanja that we would be traveling together in the future! Lolol we really laughed at this because she told Tanja this way before we had even really started getting to know each other.
Tanja’s family is from Croatia so she is a semi-local and spends a lot of time at their place here. She’s also incredibly smart which is fun for me because I love being around smart people/women. AND to my delight, she has so much lore. She was one of the very early employees at Facebook when it was just a start-up so she has so many riveting stories about working intimately with early Mark Zuckerberg and hiring a bunch of the people that worked there. It is soooooo fascinating to me that she was a major part of (now) global history. I told her my tiny little historical story about how I was on my recruiting trip to Harvard and eating lunch with the team and the girls were all up in arms because they had just been rated on “Hot or Not” before it had become Facebook.
Leading up to this trip, I was quite ill so I was very much hoping for some physical/mental restoration when I got here through the fresh air, salty sea, sunshine, and fresh food. I can confidently say I am receiving all of these blessings in profusion. And thank God, because my body has really needed it with the crushing grief and long tour. The ocean is so clear here it feels spiritual and purifying. And because RJ was obsessed with the ocean, any time I’m near water I feel close to him. I floated quite a bit speaking to him and asking for messages and telling him all about my brand new life trying to figure out how to go on without him.
I know that my purpose now more than ever is to bring joy to others, make people feel seen, and try to help others feel good about themselves. That’s what he did. I am here to relieve suffering in any way I can. Even if it’s just by making someone laugh. I must now live life for both of us and make it count in every way possible. Joy is a radical act.
Other Miscellaneous Things I Must Tell You:
-I smoked my first cigarette ever (lol). What? Athletes don’t smoke, okay. I didn’t know anybody who smoked growing up. It was a skinny lil Capris and very chic. A Sofia Loren moment. I enjoyed the ceremony of it in my large glasses and bikini. I could have been a spy in that moment. Unfortunately, I cannot continue due to the fact that I have the lungs and throat/voice inflammation of a young tuberculosis ridden child and am extremely vain about skincare.
-Tonight we are going to this restaurant with fried sardines. My dad will be very proud. I will report back here, don’t worry.
-The lasagna is exquisite here. They bake it in these little casserole dishes where the cheese gets soooo melty. I love it! I sent a picture to my parents so that we can recreate when I get home.
-Tanja and I are going to this special, ancient church to light a candle for RJ. It was her idea. So thoughtful.
-I am starting to get ideas again. I am so grateful. I am writing jokes and feeling creative. I just needed new energy and a break. Thank you, God. Thank you, Arge.
-I will be doing a show in LA on September 11th at 8:30 pm at The Vault at The Elysian Theater. The room is very small so please get your tickets now if you want to come. I am going to be trying a lot of new and potentially difficult material and would love to see you there my blair bears.
Okay, I must be going to the fried sardines and aperol. Love you all so very much.
Blairy
or Petey as RJ called me
BLAIR!
blair wtf we need a picture of that lasagna